We have all, at one time or another, been on the receiving end of the comment "just adopt". I have heard it many times over the years and always from very fertile people. I recently read it on a parenting forum discussing IVF. Many women came out and posted about the absurdity of the comment. The whole thing made me wonder why we have this completely insane view that adoption is easy. Why do people toss it around like it is fast, easy and inexpensive? I realize that if you have never actually researched it you may not understand just how complex and expensive it can be, but do people really assume that it just costs a few thousand dollars? Do they think that there are hundreds of babies waiting to be adopted? Adoption is a wonderful thing, but it is sad as well. While it is a great option for infertile couples there is a loss involved for the child and the mother. Adoption is in no way 'easy". So why do people think that it is?
Today I was watching the last 2 episodes of King of Q.ueens. I love this show! It reminds me so much of me and hubby, though I am not quite as thin and hot as Carrie is. Almost, but not quite! ;-) In earlier episodes they suffer a miscarriage and then the inability to conceive which endeared the show to me even more. But the last episodes ruin it all for me. They decide to adopt from China and within a week or two they are matched with a 4 day old baby and are on a plane to pick her up. While there they learn that Carrie is pregnant. All wrapped up in a nice little package. The inaccuracy is outlandish. In what reality is anyone ever matched in an international adoption in just a few weeks? And getting a 4 day old newborn? Not possible! While I can overlook the predictable pregnancy after adoption I cannot the fallacy of the adoption scenario. Yes, I know that it is TV show and that everything happens quickly, but they could have made it more believable. Why not a 6 month old baby? Why not wait a few months? Just give me something believable if not accurate.
While I do not "blame" TV for the flippancy in which adoption is tossed around I do think that they could help educate people on just how complicated that adoption really is. Or if not, then just leave it alone. There is no need to perpetuate the myths that are already out there. Maybe if they showed adoption in a more true light people would begin to see how "just adopt" is not something to throw around to infertile couples.
You know, I also think that there is a misconception that IVF works. I had such a hard time explaining that we were playing roulette as we went into our IVF cycle, everyone was so optimistic and no one seemed to understand that it was a big expensive game of odds.
ReplyDeleteCouldn't agree with you more. I was amazed that even our own family didn't seem to understand how hurtful that was to hear ("just adopt"). Completely ignoring our loss.
ReplyDeleteBtw, we love King of Queens! I never saw that episode... Silly producers.
My sister, who's quite fertile, said the same thing to me. "There are hundreds of chinese babies that need adopting" she says to me (I'm chinese). Like it's so easy to fork over tens of thousands of dollars and suddenly you have a baby. Forget all the classes and home studies and heartache that you have to go through before that.
ReplyDeleteNeedless to say, she's one of the last of my famlily to know that we're doing embryo donation/adoption.