A few weeks ago I wrote about a woman on a parenting board that was complaining about not not being pregnant after 3 months of not preventing (not actively ttc). I titled it "let me cry for you". I received a response that I deleted. It said something like "You have a child so 'let me cry for you' too". My first reaction was to respond with a snarky post, calling the blogger out. Instead I deleted it. I was irritated about it for a day or so then I thought more about it. The commenter was anonymous and I wanted to call the woman out, but the more I thought about it I realized that her comment was not from rudeness but from a place of pain.
I am sure that if we were honest we could all say that we have been there. We have not only resented fertiles but those with secondary infertility. In the early years of my journey I had no compassion for SI-ers. I could not comprehend how someone that had a child could even begin to understand or feel what I felt. It took quite some time on Stepping Stones infertility forum for me to change my mind. I learned a lot about SI and while I would admittedly rather be dealing with SI versus PI, SI is still painful.
As infertiles, regardless of where we are in the journey, we beg fertiles to just try to have compassion and understanding on how difficult infertility is for us. We do our best to educate them and we share our stories and struggles in hopes of changing the world's view on infertility. Yet ofttimes we fail to have that same compassion on fellow infertiles if they have not struggled as long as us, or if they have a child already. By doing so we fail each other. Regardless of where we are in this journey we need each other. We need support. We need compassion. We need a listening ear.
So whoever the commenter was, I am sorry that my post hurt you. Actually, it wasn't my post, but my current state of life. I know that your comment came from a place of pain and I pray that you can find it in your heart to understand that we all hurt, even those of us that have had a child. And you will be in my prayers during this holiday season as I know that it will not be easy. And most of all I pray that you get the desire of your heart soon.