Our journey through infertility, failed adoptions and now parenthood through the miracle of embryo adoption/donation.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Old habits will die hard

First, I want to take a moment to thank everyone for all of the responses to my last post. The prayers and the support as we told Dudley goodbye were appreciated.

And yes, Dudley is gone. He went peacefully at 5:30 last night. And it was one of the most difficult things that I have ever had to do. It was as bad as letting Abbie go (failed adoption). When I had to sign the form to authorize him to put him to sleep I started to cry. When he gave him the first shot, a tranquilizer, I wanted shout STOP!! I wanted to grab Dudley and run out of there, but I made myself stay. To do the right thing. And the right thing sucks, let me tell you!!! The tranquilizer made him want to vomit so he shook some and that really was hard for me to witness. But once it was done and he was at peace I felt some relief. Well, at first I wept and was a bit angry, but it did bring some peace to me to know that he was no longer suffering.

My vet was a tremendous help through all of this. He was super kind and very compassionate. And while we are on the subject of the vet let me tell you a little bit about him. We have been taking our pets there for about 8 years. We decided to try him because he was recommended to us and he is a lot less expensive than other vets. He is 50-75% cheaper. Seriously! But that is most likely because be has not updated anything since 1910. The place looks like a storage shed with a few tables. They take cash and check and will take a credit card but will charge you 12% more. And the vet himself......He is in his 70's and a hippie. Literally! He grows his hair for Locks of Love which is awesome but he doesn't brush it between cuts. He throws it back into a ratty ponytail. He has black, plastic glasses that are taped in a few places. He wears the same 2 pairs of shorts and both are made from hospital scrubs material and his underwear are higher than his shorts. And they are holey!!! He has socks up to his knees. His car is covered in bumper stickers saying Make Love Not War, PEACE, and other similar sayings. Hilarious!! But they guy is amazing! He loves his job and really does it well. I will be sending him a card for helping me through all of this.

Today has been tough. Old habits die hard. I have never said "Sadie, let's go outside." (Sadie is our other pup) It has always, always, always been "Dudley! Sadie! Let's go outside." Dudley slept with me, laying against me. If he was not there he was beside my bed. I got up this morning and looked to make sure I did not step on him. But he was not there. When I shower he lays by the shower. Today he was not there. I look for him and he is nowhere to be found. His toys and his belly bands (to prevent marking) are still here. But he is not. This is going to take some getting used to........


  1. Oh, Jessica! I feel your pain. My thoughts are with you! Love you!!

  2. I'm sorry! I know they can't be replaced but I'm the type that has to get another one ASAP to help myself heal and keep my mind off my loss. Thinking of you!

  3. I am so very sorry! Sadly, I know how this goes, as we had to let a dog of ours go last summer...so heart breaking! I feel for you & please know I am thinking of you

  4. I'm so sorry for your loss Jess. :( I understand the love for a furkid...the day my husband's sidekick Max passes....will be a horrible day with tons of tears for days. I'm sorry for the void you are feeling.

  5. Jessica- so sorry... we had to give our dog away before our son came home (she was not kid friendly) and that was super hard... I cannot image having to put a dog down. Prayers for you! And HUGS!!

  6. I'm sorry you lost Dudley. I am sure he will be waiting for you when you get to Heaven. He will say "Where have you been?"

  7. I am so sorry! I know just how you feel. I had to make the agonizing decision to help my cat die almost 5 years ago now. It was the hardest, but most beautiful thing I've ever done. Being there, holding him while he died, telling him how much I loved him, being able to do that for him...wow, I get teary just thinking about it.
    Be gentle with yourself. It's hard. The memories will flood back when you least expect them to, and it will hurt. But, in time they fade and you can remember with a smile how happy your sweet Dudley made you.
    Thinking of you with love.


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