First of all I want to apologize for falling off the face of the blogging world. Last I posted was before I worked a day as a sub for a daycare (which went well, btw) and that was 2 weeks ago. Two days after I worked there Maddie got sick. I think that she caught a virus from one of the kiddos there. Two days after that hubby got sick and then I got it too. Only mine did not stop there. Mine turned into a sinus and ear infection and I had strep as well. I am just now starting to feel human again. Maddie also got an ear infection so life has been a bit crazy around here lately.
Back to the topic at hand: Mother's Day. Today is my first "official" Mother's Day. I should be happy, right? Ecstatic that I get to stand among the favored ones. Triumphant that my time has come. But I just do not feel those emotions. I feel immense gratitude that I have my daughter. Yet I also feel sad because so many others are staying home today, hurting and weeping. The very thing that brings me joy today is the very thing that rips the heart out of another. And not just anyone but women that I have become great friends with. Women that I love like sisters. Women that deserve to be celebrating today instead of mourning.
It is also difficult to change my entire mindset. For over 10 years this day was a day that I dreaded. I hated this day and prayed that I would sleep through it. I did my best to ignore it. Now I am supposed to embrace it? How am I to that? For my daughter I will learn to love this day, but it will never be anticipated the same way it would have been. Should have been. Infertility has robbed me of the ability to enjoy it the way it was intended. So I will make it something different. I am going to make it a day of thanksgiving. I will thank God for giving me the desire of my heart. I will also make it a day of prayer and lift up those hurting today.
For all of you still waiting please know that you are not forgotten. You are loved. You are prayed for. You are on my heart today. And I pray that next year you will be writing this very same post on your way to to celebrate your first Mother's Day as a mother.