Truly happy for them

For years pregnancy announcements were like daggers through my heart. I hated to hear them. Hated pasting a smile on my face while congratulating the couple. Hated the envy and jealousy I felt each time. Once I was pregnant it got a bit better, but it still hurt. Yes, I have my miracle, but it was not easy to get there. It is still hard to watch others conceive so effortlessly while so many of us struggle for years and years. But there are times that I am able to truly rejoice with a couple that is pregnant and today is one of those days.

Good friends of ours found out today that they are expecting. They have been married for a year and a half and to most people it will seem that it was easy for them. But I know the truth. I know that they began testing after 6 months and were dealt a hard blow finding that they both had issues and IVF was their only options. I held her hand through finding a doctor and helping her understand this journey called infertility. I encouraged her when she found out how much IVF was going to cost. I waited for her text to find out if they had been approved for a loan to pay for IVF. I anxiously waited to hear how the retrieval went, how many eggs she had, how many fertilized, and for the transfer to be complete. Then I prayed for her during her 2WW, texting back and forth as she experienced all of the crazy emotions. And today I sat by the phone waiting for the news. And it was good news. And I cried tears of pure joy.

No, they didn't have years and years of waiting. No, there were no losses. But their pain was the same. Her hopes and desires were the same as mine. She just got the finish line a bit faster than I did. And I couldn't be happier for them!! It felt good to feel so much happiness and joy for another couple that is pregnant. Had they not experienced infertility I hope that I would have felt the same way, but I am not sure. I love them dearly and hope that I would have. I hope that I have grown as a person and a Christian enough to be happy for others even when it hurts me. But I can't be certain. They were so incredibly supportive of us that I think that I would rejoiced regardless. And I do know that I am not jealous of her. Just happy. Now to pray her through the next 9 months!

Getting Involved

All of us that have struggled with infertility know just how expensive testing and treatments can be. If our inability to conceive is not enough we have to worry about finding the funds to pay for treatments. It makes an already stressful situation even worse. Well, help may be on the way. The Family Act of 2011, S 965 is a bill that have been introduced to the US Senate to create a tax credit for the out-of-pocket costs associated with infertility medical treatment. You can help by contacting your Senators. RESOLVE has made this easy by creating a letter that you can fill in your information and personalize and send to your senator. So hope on over to RESOLVE and let your voice be heard!!!

Update on doctor's appointment

Thank you for all of the prayers. Unfortunately we still have no answers as to why she is having chronic ear infections. She tested negative for allergies except a mild cat allergy. The allergist ordered a ton of blood work as he is concerned with how many infections that she has had. The blood draw was horrible!! Holding her down and watching her cry was just so sad. But we were able to get it all done and will have the results in 3 weeks. Until then he is treating her aggressively with a nasal spray. It will help control her drainage and hopefully keep her from getting infections. So please pray that this not only works but that the blood tests will show a cause if there is one. There may not be, but if there is we want to find it and treat it.

In other news this kid is into everything!!! Ear infections certainly don't slow her down. Today she choked on a piece of dog food. I had to to the baby heimlich to get it out. Then she was mad that I took it!! Crazy kid!! I really can't understand how I am fat since all I do all day is chase her. And yes, I have to chase her. When she sees me she moves as fast as her four appendages can take her. I need a pen or a leash for her. She keeps me hopping!! But I love it!

Maddie news.....and a prayer request

Time sure is flying by right now! Maddie is growing so fast, her first year nearing it's conclusion. Though I must say that I love each and every stage. Right now she is trying so hard to walk. I am really not ready for that!!! She is already into everything right now and I can't imagine how much worse it will be when she begins walking. Just today I she tore up a magazine, at some paper, and I found her trying to eat cat fur, dog food and a wad of my hair. Gross!!!!

Now for the prayer request: Maddie is still getting ear infections. This is her 7th one and the drops (prescribed post-op) are not getting rid of it. She is now on oral antibiotics which will total 80 days of antibiotics in the last 6 months. I called a pediatric allergist/immunologist and we are having her tested for both food and environmental allergies on Tuesday. Please pray that we can find a cause for her chronic infections. Something needs to give!! I feel horrible that she is on so many antibiotics and has a yeast rash from it. And she is miserable from the pain and discomfort. It breaks my mommy heart.

And now, for your viewing pleasure, some photos of Maddie Grace:



Her first trip to the zoo:



The two of us on my first official Mother's Day:

Bittersweet Day

First of all I want to apologize for falling off the face of the blogging world. Last I posted was before I worked a day as a sub for a daycare (which went well, btw) and that was 2 weeks ago. Two days after I worked there Maddie got sick. I think that she caught a virus from one of the kiddos there. Two days after that hubby got sick and then I got it too. Only mine did not stop there. Mine turned into a sinus and ear infection and I had strep as well. I am just now starting to feel human again. Maddie also got an ear infection so life has been a bit crazy around here lately.

Back to the topic at hand: Mother's Day. Today is my first "official" Mother's Day. I should be happy, right? Ecstatic that I get to stand among the favored ones. Triumphant that my time has come. But I just do not feel those emotions. I feel immense gratitude that I have my daughter. Yet I also feel sad because so many others are staying home today, hurting and weeping. The very thing that brings me joy today is the very thing that rips the heart out of another. And not just anyone but women that I have become great friends with. Women that I love like sisters. Women that deserve to be celebrating today instead of mourning.

It is also difficult to change my entire mindset. For over 10 years this day was a day that I dreaded. I hated this day and prayed that I would sleep through it. I did my best to ignore it. Now I am supposed to embrace it? How am I to that? For my daughter I will learn to love this day, but it will never be anticipated the same way it would have been. Should have been. Infertility has robbed me of the ability to enjoy it the way it was intended. So I will make it something different. I am going to make it a day of thanksgiving. I will thank God for giving me the desire of my heart. I will also make it a day of prayer and lift up those hurting today.

For all of you still waiting please know that you are not forgotten. You are loved. You are prayed for. You are on my heart today. And I pray that next year you will be writing this very same post on your way to to celebrate your first Mother's Day as a mother.