Our journey through infertility, failed adoptions and now parenthood through the miracle of embryo adoption/donation.

Monday, July 27, 2009

For you fertiles

I was thinking today that many of you fertile myrtles probably have no clue what goes on in the day and the life of the infertile woman. So I thought that I would share a bit of it with you, most from personal experience.

In the beginning we were ttc naturally even though we knew something was wrong. Naturally....funny! Anyway, a "normal" couples says "let's have a baby". So they buy some sexy lingerie and after a night of wild and passionate bow-chicka-bow-wow you wait for 2 weeks, pee on a stick and viola! Two pink lines! Nine months later a baby magically appears. (okay, I glossed that part over a bit!! ;)

For us infertiles it is more like this: "Honey, hurry home! My temp is up and it is 'time' ". He hurries home on his lunch break and, like a circus monkey, is expected to perform at a moments notice. Afterwards there is no time to cuddle. You have to get some pillows under your butt as quickly as possible or risk losing a few precious spermies. Then as he rushes back to work you have to lie still for a half hour hoping and praying that his swimmers make their way upstream.

Then the 2ww (2 week wait) begins. Within 24 hours you are analyzing every possible "symptom". Wait, did my boobs just hurt?? Then you press and squeaze them to make sure, all the while causing them to hurt more. Hold on! I might me nauseous! Indigestion, cramps, mucus, fatigue, etc are all under investigation. And if you were lucky enough to be under the influence of fertility meds then the "sypmtoms" are worse!

Now the 2ww is coming to an end and you open the medicine cabinet and take out a pregnancy test from your stash of about 100 tests. You are standing there doing the pee pee dance trying to tear that package open! FINALLY, it opens and you can relieve yourself. Then you set the timer for the 3-5 minute wait. And you stare at the test the entire time. tick...tick...tick.....time crawls by. After 3 minutes still no pink line. You convince yourself that your HCG (pg hormone) is low and it will take the full 5 minutes. Again you wait. tick....tick...tick....Still no pink line. Dejectedly you throw it away. Only to dig it out of the trash an hour later "just in case". You repeat this scenario 2-3 times a day (hence the stash) until your period shows. Then it all starts over again............

Your life revolves around your cycle. Vacations, trips, family get togethers, etc, are mapped out according what cycle day you will be on. And if that isn't bad enough your life becomes even more complicated once you have a fertility specialist get in on the fun!! Have you ever wondered how long you have to get a semen sample to the doctor's office?? Thirty minutes! And did you know that you must keep it warm en route? How do you do this, you ask? You place the cup in your bra. Yes, you race down the interstate with a cup of sperm nestled between your boobies praying that you make it there in time all the while praying that a cop does not pull you over. Try explaining that one!!!

Some other fun tidbits:

Clomid makes you psycho.

Standing on your head after sex is not fun. Nor does it work.

Having a doctor, a nurse and tech stare at your hoo-ha is not a fun way to make a baby.

Never use the handicap bathroom anywhere near where they test semen samples. Contrary to what TV shows you (nice room, mood lighting, magazines) most offices do not have a place for a man to "give a sample". They send your hubby to the bathroom. Gross!! And there is nothing more fun than having someone knock on the door every 30 seconds!! And the germs........nuff said!

So that is a short lesson in the day in the life of the infertile couple. I hope that you learned a little of what we go through. I am sure that once we go to choose our embies I will have more to share! :-)


  1. WOW Jess! You are hilarious. I know this whole process isnt. But I do loving reading what you write! We had a three year period that we didnt get preggo and we had started the process and I had to do the temp thing. Which NOT at all saying I know even a tad what you have to go through. Just saying... JUST the temp each morning was SUCH a pain the rest sounds awful!!! I cant wait to hear that you have an embie of your very own!!!

  2. You are cracking me up! LOVE the bow-chicka-bow-wow comment OH HEAVENS!! I can't wait til you get your embies either! WOO HOO!

  3. This is fabulous - I especially love the comment related to making a baby with a crowd.

  4. This cracked me up... I just found your blog via the babycenter EA forum. I decided to read some of the first entries to get a feel for your story. We've been medically cleared and will be doing our first transplant in November at NEDC... While I never actually stood on my head... most of what was mentioned really brought back memories! And your way of wording it was so funny :)


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