Evap line???

So I broke down and bought some HPTs at the dollar store today. I took one when I got home. And waited the allotted 3 minutes. Nothing. I left it there and an hour and half later went to throw it away and decided to check it one more time. Lo and behold there was a second line. Faint, but definitely there. I know that it went way too long to check, but these are A.) sensitive tests, B.) the same ones I use all of the time, and C.) have never, ever, ever had an evap line...EVER. Not once in 11 years! I am scared to hope, but can't help it! Please pray, ladies!!!!!!

So tired today!

I am about to fall sleep right now and it is only 4 pm. I went to bed about 11 pm last night and and was up from 5:30-7:30 am, then I laid back down until 9:30. So all in all I had over 8 hours of sleep. Should be plenty. All I did today was laundry, dishes and made my cake for class tonight. Not enough to make me this sleepy. Could it be from the bambinos??? Let's hope so!!!

I have not been nearly as moody today, but then again my hubby left at 6 am and I haven't seen anyone else all day. No one to really be mean to today. Other than that I am feeling fine. Still hoping for some morning sickness. Crazy, I know, but at least it would be a good, clear sign!

I ordered some pregnancy tests today. I was so proud of myself, thinking that I found a way to hold off testing for a few days waiting for them to arrive. The site said "Free 2-day shipping". That means Friday. What I didn't read was that it was 2-day shipping on orders over $15. Mine was less so it will take 2-6 days. Likely to arrive after my Beta. Useless! So I either have to wait or fork over more money for more tests. If I have extras maybe I will have a giveaway here!!

My babies in the making.

I received an email from the embryologist with pics of my embies. I completely forgot to post them here. So here ya go, my babies to be! This first one is the "perfect" one that survived the original thaw. If you look you can see the darker blob on the bottom left. That is where the fetus will develop. And then all of the clumpy cells ringing the circle of the embryo is where the placenta will develop. Pretty interesting!!



This second one is the third one thawed. It had only been thawing a few hours so it does not look as good as the first, but they were confident it would be almost as healthy as the first one.



So there are my babies. Hopefully in 9 months I will be posting new pics!

Today I definitely feel what could be symptoms. I have some cramping which I really, really, really hope is caused from implantation. I am also extremely moody and crabby. I am having mood swings like never before. I have been on the progesterone and estrogen long enough now that I would assume that if it was from the meds it would have happened before. The only new med is heparin and I have yet to find anything online that states heparin would cause these kinds of side effects.

Speaking of heparin.....OUCH! So not a fan of the stuff!!! Lupron was a breeze. No pain. No discomfort. But heparin is another story. My poor tummy is all purple and blue and even green. Very festive!!! It burns during the administration of it and my whole stomach is tender and sore from it. Bending over is painful. But I am willing to do anything for the bambinos.

I am trying to decide whether to use a home pg test or not. I had originally planned on starting them this Wednesday but now I am not so sure. I would hate to see repeated negative tests. But I also am impatient and if there is a chance that I could know before Monday I would like to know. Decisions, decisions! Now I really want to test since I am having what could possibly be symptoms. Hmmm......what should I do???

Careless Words

We have all been guilty of saying thoughtless or careless things. I know that I have. I also know that infertility has taught me take great care in what I say to others, though I still fall short form time to time. Tonight I was the recipient of someone's carelessness. And it was from my mother no less.

I stopped by her house to pick something up and my baby niece was there. Recently my niece went to the doctor for a check up and the doctor declared her "extraordinarily alert", which she really is. Now we talk about how extraordinary she is and I mentioned it tonight. I followed this with a comment about where it came from and how her parents (my sister and her fiance) were not extraordinary. This was said all in teasing and my mom's response was also said in teasing though her words still cut to the core. She said "Look who's talking, miss didn't go to college, unemployed, married ten years and have no kids." All of it was fine until the last part. Like I needed someone to point out that I am still childless. Thanks mom!

It has bothered me for the last hour or so. I has caused a time of reflection and retrospection. Did you know that every decision that I have made has been with children in mind? I dropped out of college to stay at home and have children. I did not return to college because I was sure that kids were right around the corner. We live in a 3 bedroom place because we might have kids. We have not purchased a house yet because we have spent every spare dime on trying to have said kids. I am currently not working now because the FET might work and I plan on being a SAHM. It saddens me that I have not succeeded in my goals. At least not 2 of the most important ones: having children and buying a house. But it is not for lack of trying!!

I am praying that 2010 brings the realization of both of my goals and then my mother can eat her words!!! =)

Why I hate the 2WW

There are so many reasons to hate the 2WW that I don't even know where to start. I hate the not knowing, the hope, the despair, all of it. I know, we all hate the 2WW. You would think that since they can create an embryo in a lab that they could create a way to test earlier. Like one of those blood sugar monitors but for HCG instead. One that detected HCG as low as 5 like the labs can do. And then we can test everyday to see if the numbers rise. Does that sound like such a difficult invention? I would buy one!!!

Today I have this "feeling", a sense, that it won't work. No reason really, no facts to back it up, just a premonition almost. I know that I can't go by feelings as with one of my IUIs I just " knew" that it had worked. I felt different. But I was wrong and it did not work. I hate feeling this way. I wish that I could be placed into a coma for the next 10 days.

Hopefully tomorrow I will have a mood swing and ride the wave of optimism!!!

I am home!

The transfer went great. Perfect even. The dr said that it could not have gone any better! They thawed 2 embryos yesterday and one was perfect. The second was was not and sadly, did not survive and is with Jesus. The dr thawed a third one and though it was not as far along as the other (where they can determine the quality) he said that it was thawing and growing well so far and he was confident that it was very healthy. So 2 embies are now with me and just need to stick! The dr and staff are all very optimistic. Now just need to wait 10 days to find out if they are still with me!!! Thanks again for all of the prayers!!!!