Who hurts more??

A few weeks ago I wrote about a woman on a parenting board that was complaining about not not being pregnant after 3 months of not preventing (not actively ttc). I titled it "let me cry for you". I received a response that I deleted. It said something like "You have a child so 'let me cry for you' too". My first reaction was to respond with a snarky post, calling the blogger out. Instead I deleted it. I was irritated about it for a day or so then I thought more about it. The commenter was anonymous and I wanted to call the woman out, but the more I thought about it I realized that her comment was not from rudeness but from a place of pain.

I am sure that if we were honest we could all say that we have been there. We have not only resented fertiles but those with secondary infertility. In the early years of my journey I had no compassion for SI-ers. I could not comprehend how someone that had a child could even begin to understand or feel what I felt. It took quite some time on Stepping Stones infertility forum for me to change my mind. I learned a lot about SI and while I would admittedly rather be dealing with SI versus PI, SI is still painful.

As infertiles, regardless of where we are in the journey, we beg fertiles to just try to have compassion and understanding on how difficult infertility is for us. We do our best to educate them and we share our stories and struggles in hopes of changing the world's view on infertility. Yet ofttimes we fail to have that same compassion on fellow infertiles if they have not struggled as long as us, or if they have a child already. By doing so we fail each other. Regardless of where we are in this journey we need each other. We need support. We need compassion. We need a listening ear.

So whoever the commenter was, I am sorry that my post hurt you. Actually, it wasn't my post, but my current state of life. I know that your comment came from a place of pain and I pray that you can find it in your heart to understand that we all hurt, even those of us that have had a child. And you will be in my prayers during this holiday season as I know that it will not be easy. And most of all I pray that you get the desire of your heart soon.

Thankful for the journey

On this day of Thanksgiving I want to share what I am thankful for. I am thankful for the journey. Yes, the journey of infertility. I know that some of you may think that it is because I have a daughter now so it is easy to be thankful and in some ways that is true. But though I am ever grateful for my Maddie I am also thankful for the journey regardless of where it had ended. During my twelve long years of waiting I learned a lot. I learned patience. I learned compassion. I learned how to reach out to others. And I learned that though I may not understand, or even agree with it, God knows what He is doing and that He loves me. Some of these things I may have learned anyway, but I know that compassion came directly from my years of infertility. I was not a compassionate person before. Well, I was about some things, but I did not truly understand suffering. Now I can hurt for someone that has gone through a divorce, suffered through cancer or someone with a disability. Things that I have not personally experienced, but can empathize with now that I have suffered in some form. I can see past the circumstances and see the person and the pain that they are feeling. I feel that this is truly a gift that only infertility could have given me and I thankful for it.

I am also thankful for my fellow infertiles, all of which I have met because of my own infertility. I have met some truly amazing women that have walked this path with me and I love them as sisters. I would not trade knowing them for anything! While I wish that my journey would have been much shorter and less painful I would not trade the experiences that it has brought for anything and for that reason I am thankful for this journey of infertility.

Nine weeks ear infection free!!!

This past Monday marks 9 full weeks since Maddie has had an ear infection! I cannot begin to tell you just how thankful I am for this. Prior to this last surgery she had never gone more than 6 weeks between infections and most of the time only 2 weeks between them. To go more than 9 weeks is amazing to me. And to make things even better she has not had to have breathing treatments either. Before her surgery she was on 2 allergy medications and well on her way to asthma. She never, ever got a runny nose without at least an ear infection and most likely breathing treatments. Since her surgery she has had a sinus infection and now a runny nose from either a cold or teething and so far it has not caused her to have any problems with her ears or lungs. And she has been off of all of her meds as well. This surgery had no guarantees and I am ever so thankful that it was successful. Now if only we could find a cure for tantrums........

Still trying to catch up!

Man, I have really been a bad blogger! My computer no longer has a battery. It died a few months ago. Then right after that my plug died too. I blame Maddie. She likes to tug and pull on it and suck on the end of it. Yes, I know that it is an electrical cord and no, I don't allow her to do it. She is just super fast and grabs it before I can snatch it back from her. She ruined my plug and hubby and I have been sharing and lo and behold, she did it again! We finally got his to work but it took a few days of drying it out. I am not sure why she has such an obsession with cords but she needs to quit! It scares the crud outta me! I don't even think that it is the cord that she loves but the metal on the end. Some days I swear this kid suffers from PICA. But she likes cords too, but more to wrap around her neck than to chew on. Crazy, I know! It makes for constant work around here to keep her out of stuff. We have removed every necessary cord yet she still finds them.

So her cord sucking has kept me from blogging. As has my house. It looked like a disaster zone from our week of stomach flu and I have been busting my butt trying to clean and sanitize this germy place. I finally got caught up on laundry. Finally! Hopefully I can begin blogging again. I have so many blog posts swirling around in my head with no time to post them. And I need to catch up on everyone else. If you have an update you could save me some time and post it here for me! Just sayin'!

is this what Lazarus felt like??

Last Friday I worked at an in home daycare. The woman that runs it has 2 children and one of them was sick. By noon the other one, the one with me, was sick. By sick, I mean she threw up all over the place. I cleaned her up and gave her to her mom who was now sick as well. I had Maddie with me and knew at this point that it was just a matter of time before we both got this lovely stomach bug as well. It didn't take long! Just about 24 hours later I was hit with it, then the next morning Maddie had it, and then hubby on Monday. The worst of it lasted about 48 hours but it has taken until today for me to feel normal again. Maddie still has the poopies and woke up with a disgusting mess this morning at 5 am! Yuck!!! I have done so much laundry this week it isn't even funny!!! I am so sick of sick!

But today I feel resurrected! It was wonderful to take up and be able to eat something. Hopefully my suffering for the past 6 days has at least caused me to lose a few pounds or so. But now I am ravenous! I can't wait to finish sanitizing my house and finish my laundry and erase this week from my memory! And now I can get back to blogging! I have not read any blogs for over a week and hope to catch up on all of them over the weekend!

disagreement does not equal uneducation

So often I read debates where people disagree with one or both telling the other that they are uneducated. Why do some people assume that my choices (and "my" is general here) are uneducated just because they differ from yours? (again, "yours" is general and not directed at anyone specific) Did it ever occur to the other person that I did research certain things before making a decision? Here are a few issues that I have educated myself before making my decisions.

Medicated birth: yes, I know that epidurals carry risks. Yes, I still got one. I felt that the risks were minimal and the benefits far outweighed said risks. Medical science has found a way to minimize the horrific pain of child birth and I planned to take advantage of it. For me it ended up being a moot point as I had to have a c-section after 36 hours of labor.

Formula feeding: I really, really, really wanted to breast feed. I felt it the best choice for my child. However, this was not to be. After Maddie had jaundice and we made the educated choice to supplement she was not too keen on drinking from the tap. I pumped and continued trying for 3 weeks but was fighting a constant migraine. The two compounded made for a very frustrated, unhappy mommy. I made the educated choice to switch to formula. It was best for me and my child.

Hormonal birth control: I have 2 differing views on this one. If I were fertile I would make the choice not to use it as it is an abortifacant. With that said I do not believe that the decision not to use it is for everyone. For some it is clearly the best choice. The risks outweigh the benefits. Even strong pro-life people can use hormonal birth control and still be very pro-life. The chance of it actually causing a spontaneous abortion is very small. About the same as drinking caffeine causing a miscarriage. Sometimes you have to weigh it all and make the best decision you can. Now, as for other uses I do use hormonal birth control. I prefer the side effects to the pain of endometriosis. I also want to protect my fertility as much as I can and BCPs allow me to do this. Yes, there are risks, but not enough to dissuade me.

Vaccines: This one was one I really studied. I do not like the idea of injecting my daughter with all of the garbage in these vaccines at all. But I also don't like the thought of lowering my child into a grave either. if the majority of parents did not choose to vaccinate we would be seeing a huge increase in many treatable diseases. I am sure that 100 years ago the thousands upon thousands of people that died from what are now almost nonexistent disease would have loved to have the option of a vaccination that could have saved their lives. Do I wish that they would separate some of the shots? Yes. Do I wish that it did not contain unnecessary chemical? Obviously! But these did not deter me from making an educated decision to vaccinate my child. Do I criticize or think someone else is stupid for choosing not to? No. Just as you should not think the same of me.

We live in a day and age where we have options and choices. We have a vast amount of information at our fingertips and should ALL take the time to educate ourselves before making decisions. But just because we differ does not make my decision one of uneducation, just one of a differing opinion.

Personhood Initiative....pray it doesn't pass

On November 8th Mississippi will be voting to pass the Personhood Initiative. I have blogged about this before but with the day fast approaching I want to remind everyone to be praying that this initiative does NOT pass next week. It has the potential to effect us all. How? If one state passes it then others are sure to follow. While I am fairly confident that it will not pass, you just never know.

For many, especially Christians, this sounds like a wonderful idea. And in all actuality it does have some merit. The problem is that it is too broad. It is described as a law to protect the unborn. As someone with a pro-life stance I like that part of it. What I do not like is the narrowness of the law. It makes no provisions for ectopic pregnancies or when the life of the mother is in jeopardy. Basically, if you are pregnant and going to die you will die. Period. Or travel to another state or go to an underground facility to have a possibly unsafe procedure done. So now not only will the child die but the mother will to? How is this a good thing?

This initiative will also outlaw birth control pills, IUDs and other forms of hormonal birth control. So we remove the option to be responsible and prevent a pregnancy and the ability to abort as well? While I am against abortion I wholly support a women's right and ability to prevent a pregnancy. It is the adult, responsible thing to do! Not all unwanted pregnancies are from teens or promiscuous women. Many are married but are not financially able to support another child at this time. So what are they supposed to do? Permanently remove their ability to have another child when they are ready to do so? No longer have sex with their spouse? Really??

Another huge concern of mine is what it will mean to fertility treatments. IVF will no longer exist. Neither will embryo adoption/donation. While I think that clinics could do a better job at with educating patients on their options in regards to leftover embryos and even reduce the number created, this law is not the way to do this.

There are aspects of this initiative that I could support. I do believe that life begins at conception and should be treated with respect. What I do not believe is that someone should go to prison because an embryo dies. If they were to separate the law into different ones then we could see some change. All this one does is make the entire pro-life community look like a bunch of kooks, much like Westboro "church". It hurts us as Christians, as women, as infertiles and as pro-lifers. So if you are in Mississippi VOTE! If you are not, the PRAY!

What are your thoughts on this? Where do you stand?? Please take a moment to share your thoughts!