Hubby and I married in 1997. Originally we planned to wait a year before be started our family but after just 3 months we began trying. Like so many couples we had our kids planned out. We knew when we wanted them, how many we wanted, and even had their names chosen. And then God chuckled at those carefully made plans, knowing they were not His plans for us.
It took less than a year for us to know that this was not going to be as easy as we had first thought, but we were still hopeful. We wouldn't be one of "those" people that were.......gulp......infertile. There was no way! Not us! We had done everything "right". We waited until we were married before we were intimate. We had saved ourselves for each other. We got counsel before we were married and we prayed and knew that this was God's will. So how could it be that we could not conceive when unmarried teenager were popping them out like Pez dispensers???
In the beginning I was convinced that this was just a temporary problem. In a year or two I would go to the doctor because I didn't feel well and couldn't shake this bug only to discover that I was pregnant. Surprise!! Or I would notice that I felt "different" and Sean would convince me to take a test and it would be positive. Almost 11 years later and still not "surprise" or "positive". The road to get here to the 11 year mark has been a long and tiring one.
When we first discovered that we had issues (both of us) we did not have insurance coverage for infertility so we decided not to pursue expensive treatments. Instead we prayed about adoption. We approached it casually and began telling friends and family our desire to adopt. In 2004 we received a call from a friend of ours about a possible adoption situation. All went well for a few moths but it was not meant to be. After this I said "no more" and wanted to stay clear of adoption. That was until the next call came and I was ready to take the plunge again. This one took an even more devastating turn (you can read about it in my blog Losing Abbie) and we were done with adoption for the time being. We may revisit this route at a later date but we are still healing even after 4 years.
Soon thereafter we began seeking medical help for infertility. Sadly, we learned that our problems were even worse that before.I felt my world crashing in on me. My family and friends all had kids now and I felt so left behind. All I wanted was a baby!! What so many people had by accident I couldn't seem to afford to create. Fertility treatments can cost more than college tuition! We started out slow and tried out the "basics" like meds and then on to IUI. Slowly we spent all of our savings and exhausted affordable options. After several unsuccessful attempts we took a break for about a year.
Now we are ready to begin again, but were unsure of what to try next. We started to pray about what God would want us to do: IVF, adoption (domestic or through foster care), or embryo adoption. IVF is so expensive!!! If I was sure that I wouldn't need both of my kidneys later I was willing to sell one of them on the black market to pay for IVF! But just in case, I decided to keep both kidneys. =) So no IVF. Domestic adoption is equally expensive so no to that as well for now. So we called for more information on adoption through the foster care system. We read the paperwork and prayed about it but had no peace. So that left EA (embryo adoption). This idea has always appealed to me and I was excited to consider it. So we signed up with Miracles Waiting (miracleswaiting.org) after hearing a few success stories from others about them. So right now we wait until a family chooses us. Currently I am corresponding with a donor couple though it is still in the very beginning stages and they have not "chosen" us yet. Our prayer is that His will be done and if these are not our embryos then we do not want it to work out. I will update the blog as we learn more.
During this journey many song, poems and verses have spoken to my heart. One that stands out the most is the song "A Greater Yes" by the Whinsants. A line in the song says:
"While you’re waiting and believingSo I titled my blog A Greater Yes because right now God has said no so I am waiting for my greater yes.
For what you thought was best
Trust God if He says no….. You’re still Blessed
There must be a greater yes"