I am trying to make lemonade here, people!

When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Yep, we have all heard it. We have all probably rolled our eyes at it too. This phrase is never said when things are going great so it is expected that it is not a well received quote. Today I was handed some lemons. I used to like lemons but now, not so much. So what was it? A house. My house. The house that I drive past several times a week and have wanted. It is not some beautiful, fancy dream house. No, I have one of those and it is like Ryan Gosling...fun to look at and dream about, but I am levelheaded enough to know it is out of my reach. No, this house is next door to my mom and is about 50 years old. It has 4 bedrooms and 2.5 baths, an in ground pool, fenced in yard, a den with a separate entrance that would make a perfect in home daycare for me, hard wood floors and many other things that I like. It was foreclosed on over a year ago and I have wanted it ever since. And it is on the market and is dirt cheap. Like seriously cheap!!! But still out of our reach.

About 11 years ago we purchased a mobile home. We traveled for dh's job (I went with him) and were rarely home so it was the perfect choice. It is in a really nice park and well maintained. And very safe for when I am home alone. Once I quit traveling we were faced with a decision: buy a house or try for a baby. It was a no brainer, we wanted a baby. Seven years later we finally have that baby and are in the process of trying for another, but it has us no closer to owning a home. Dh is self employed and in order to keep from paying a fortune in taxes we take every tax deduction we can get. This makes us look dirt poor. And the years of medical bills (deductibles, fertility treatments, and copayments) have left us with a pile of medical debt that has hurt our credit. A lot! We have most of the debt paid down but the damage is done. We could afford the house payment easily, even with our current mobile home payment, and there is a first time home buyers asst program here that we qualify for that would give us $15k down yet we cannot get this house.

So for me, this sad news is a lemon. But my lemonade is that we will work harder to get out of the rest of our debt and rebuild our credit score. And we have a child and the chance at another. That is worth more than any house. But I still want that house!!! I thought about dropping some dead cockroaches in the window to scare off potential buyers, but they creep me out so there goes that. Maybe a few snakes? A ghostly noise? Mine traps?? Or maybe I should just pray, huh? :)

Free IVF cycle contest

The Sher Institute in St. Louis is having a contest for 2 free IVF cycles, one for PI and one for SI. You have to submit a video for it and have until the 7th of December. There are only 4 submissions so it is really good odds. We would do it but have already invested so much time and money into our current situation that we would lose money so we are not entering. But in case anyone else is interested here is the website: http://haveababy.com/announcements/i-believe-video-journal-project/

Update on our next cycle

If you have been following our journey you may know that our last cycle was canceled due to too thick lining. I was supposed to start my next cycle 3-4 days after stopping meds but it was 38 days before that happened. Thankfully it happened on its own and I did not have to take meds. I am not opposed to meds, I just wanted things to get back to working order before starting more meds.

So I started right before Thanksgiving and while I could have begun my meds for an FET we decided not to. Cycling now meant traveling in early December and things are too busy right now. I love Christmas and I really wanted to focus on that instead of meds, appointments, traveling, resting, and worrying about the outcome. So we will be waiting until January. If things go as planned (ha ha, snicker, snicker) we should be ready late Jan/early Feb.

In the meantime we are trying to raise some of the money for it. I know that if we drain our savings it will be hard to replenish it. Especially if I do get pregnant and have to start buying for a baby....or two. So we are having a Pampered Chef fundraiser show the first 2 weeks of December. It will mainly be online and I will post a link here once it begins. The money will go directly to our clinic and will be a big help towards covering the costs of the procedure. While I am excited to do this I am a bit nervous too. In order for it to be successful we will need to post about our next procedure on Facebook. While we are both very, very open about our fertility issues as well as embryo adoption, it is not something that I post on Facebook about. Also, I don't care to announce to everyone when we are cycling as I don't want a bagillion people asking me how it went if things are not positive. But that is a risk that we are going to take.

So that catches you all up on how things are going. Your prayers are appreciated as well try to raise some of the money as well as for our next cycle.

no news is.....

Well, just that. No news. Still no period. No hints. No teasing. Nothing. I am on CD33 which is really late for me. And no, I am not pregnant. In 11 days I will have to take Provera which I have never, ever needed before. My repro organs are jacked up with just about everything under the sun, but regular periods is not one of them. Now we are adding that to the mix? Great!

In order to do an FET before January I have to start the next cycle before Nov. 30th. With meds that should be no problem, but I don't want to have to use meds to start my cycle. If that is the case I would rather take the meds and wait until January and allow my body to get back to working on its own. But even if I do start in the next few days I will most likely still have to wait until January as starting a cycle now puts my lining check right around Thanksgiving. The clinic here closes early n Wednesday and will be closed until the following Monday. So no lining check for me.

I really have no idea what we will do. It is looking like January which is not all bad. Maddie was conceived on December 11th and I would prefer not to do the next FET around the same time. I don't want to be in labor on her birthday. I would rather have a few weeks between them. This is assuming that this whole thing works again of course. So I don't know what to do. Right now we are just waiting, waiting, waiting...............

an open letter to all RE's

Dear Dr. RE,

I wanted to take this moment to thank you for the work that you do. Without all of you many of us would never have the opportunity to even try to have a baby. The advancements in reproductive medicine are amazing and people like you make this possible. But, as in any field of expertise, there is the tendency to become far removed for the common man. I want to take a few minutes to share with you what it is like to be on our side of things.

When we come in for that first consultation we are usually a bit scared. We already know that something is wrong but we are hoping that it will be a simple fix. This is denial. We all do it. It protects us from ugly truth that you are about to share with us. So be kind. Be gentle. This is scary! We know that you are busy and important but don't rush through our appointments. Allow plenty of time to answer our questions and assure us that you care, even if you don't. We don't need to be coddled, just respected.

See us as people, not dollar signs. Don't try to push more expensive procedure just because it lines your pockets. And the same is try if we really do need IVF, please don't push us to do several IUIs when you know that we will be wasting our money. Be honest with us and give us the facts. We know you are not God and cannot determine with certainty what will work or not, but give us your best estimation. Remember, we are not made of money. The majority of your patients cannot just write out a check for IVF. Most of us have to work overtime, sell items, do fundraisers, mortgage our homes and even our retirements. We put everything on the line for just this one chance. And while we are talking money, have you considered reevaluating your prices? Maybe offer cash discounts? Or a sliding scale based upon income? Do you accept leftover medications and donate them to patients that need it? What about a referral discount? Also, make us aware of any resources available that could save us some money. We expect to pay for your services and to pay well. We don't have an issue with this so much as how outrageous these services can be at times. It often restricts us from being able to proceed. Please consider this when deciding on what to charge.

Your staff is one of the most important facets of your clinic. A beautiful waiting room, fancy lights and soft music are nice, but not nearly as important as an efficient staff. It should not take days to get a return call from a nurse. Prices should be explained clearly. Be kind when we call or sign in. Fax records or reports as soon as possible. Be clear with instructions. And don't get upset when we need to ask you to clarify something. This is new to us and we don't always understand. If you do not use emails to communicate, consider it. This allows us to ask our questions and your staff to communicate when they have a moment. And one of the most important things is to show compassion when telling us that our pregnancy test came back negative. Those words shatter our hearts into a million pieces. All of that time and money was for nothing. Please remember that when sharing this news.

These are just a few things that we, as patients,  hope to share with you. I am sure that some of my readers will add their thoughts as well. We are hoping to expand our families not have elective plastic surgery. No, we do not "have" to have a baby, this is not a life threatening disease, but it is something that we feel to our very core, that need to procreate. Your compassion and understanding is much appreciated.

Thank you,
Infertiles everywhere

baby #9?!?!?!?

I attend a church of about 200 people. It is a very diverse group. The church is located in a middle/upper class area but the people come from all over. We have men in a half way house ministry that attend, a couple of pharmacists, a doctor, several SAHMs, some homeschoolers, a couple of scientists, a truck driver, waitresses, you name it. We have it all. What we also have are some crazy fertile people.

In the past 2-3 months we have had 4 families announce that they are pregnant. This is after 5 births earlier this year. One of the 4 families is having baby #4, two are baby number #5 and one is having their 9th. Yes, their 9th! We have two Duggar-esque families. One had their 8th earlier in the year and now this one having their 9th. And then there is me, struggling to have a second. I can honestly say that I am happy for all of these families as they are good families and support themselves and care for their children. But why not me? I know we all ask this at some time or another and I asked it often during our 11 years waiting for Maddie. But I am there again. As I sit here and wait for my period to start (nope, not yet!) I wonder if I will get to join this group of super fertiles. I wish that God did things like we teach toddler: one for you, one for me. But alas, He does not. So again......I wait.....

still waiting........

Seriously, AF, you are getting on my nerves! I took off my estrogen patches on CD12 and was told that I would most likely start in "3-4 day". I am now on CD25 and she is nowhere to be seen. Not even a peek-a-boo. Nothing!! I hate her! I don't even care that she is messing is holding up the FET as that will happen in its own time. What I am afraid of is just how bad this cycle will be. I am an endo gal and already have painful cycles. My lining was too thick for transfer (according to this RE) and I cannot imagine how thick it might be by now. This is gonna hurt!

So for now, no updates. Nothing going on. Just waiting and more waiting.........